3 Facebook Fools | Mobile Phone Blog | Dial-a-Phone

The modern world is truly an age of plenty: in ancient times entire villages had to share a single idiot, but thanks to the internet we can enjoy stupidity from around the world! Facebook is a font of the very crème de la cretin because it automatically filters out “Anyone who has something worthwhile to do instead” and “Anyone who knows not to advertise their failings.”

1. Facebook Founder Suffers From Stalker, Advanced Irony

Mark Zuckerburg has filed a restraining order against a 31-year-old psychopath who’s been harassing him online. In fairness Mark isn’t being hypocritical: Pradeep Manukonda is neither someone a hated bully from primary school nor a HORNY SINGLE IN HIS AREA, and is therefore probably forbidden from contacting you on facebook. And in real life. And with handwritten notes and bunches of flowers.

Honestly, if he wasn’t an insane nutball this would be one of the sweetest online relationships we’d ever seen.

Pradeep has chased Mark as far as the Facebook offices (where we imagine nothing ever, ever gets done) and even the Zuckerberg home. So we can see why Mark hates him: anyone who gets up and travels around trying that hard to meet a person in real life clearly isn’t a very good facebook customer, sorry, marketing target, no, user. User. To Mark’s credit he hasn’t whined once about lack of privacy, but that’s probably more because he understands the entire internet would mock him into oblivion.

(In case you’re wondering, Pradeep’s angle is a rather unoriginal “Please give me money please please please” crusade.)

2. Facebook Shoes

We might all be guilty of checking what our friends are doing when we were meant to be working, but at least we never claimed that was the actual work. Not so for Scottish designer Gerry McKay, who decided to see how many massively unfriendly lawyer-owners he could wind up at once when he “designed” the Facebook Adidas shoe.

We’ll admit it takes some balls to stare at your status message and think “I’ll just copy that”, but it’s the same sort of balls that leads you to ram-raiding an SUV through a hospital gift shop. Stupid balls. These are less useful than Douglas Bader’s basketball shoes. Even if Adidas were the sort of people who rewarded people ripping off their designs (and those guys don’t even reward the children who make the official ones), proving that the sum total of your inventiveness is copying a third party’s work makes you slightly less employable than a coughing typhoid vector.

3. Least Ambitious Researcher In The World Concludes That Facebook Feeds Narcissism

The old idea was that while not everyone who had a diary had a big head, everyone with a big head has a diary. And those were the good old days because it assumed people could write more than two sentences and had the dignity to at least wait until they were dead before expecting anyone to care about what they had for lunch. Facebook doesn’t have those advantages and everyone already knows this. Everyone but Soraya Mehdizadeh, the least ambitious researcher in the world, who claims to be a “Cyberpsychologist” and clearly spent her entire career coming up with that word. Because her research is about as insightful as Brian Sewell doing the SkySports score-forecast.

She asked 100 students about their habits and concluded that people who post every last detail about how great they are online may be narcissistic. You might recognise this as less data than you and everyone else in the modern world has on facebook users, and wimpy to boot because of the cowardly “may.” We can only hope Mehdizadeh funds her own research by working part time as a window cleaner so that:

1. No science-money which could have been used for lasers or the cure for cancer was wasted here
2. She’s useful at least some of the time.

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